Crystal Ally Poole
September 6, 2014
The Most Important Day
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”(1 John4:18) Sitting at my Grandma’s kitchen table, with the bible laying right in front of me, I had never read something that had impacted me in such a way. Reading the verse over and over again, I tried to find its underlying meaning. Trying to fully grasp it, I could hear it in the back of my mind, repeating its self over and over again, making its way through every part of me until it reached its destination, my heart. This had been the answer I had been looking for. After reading 1 John 4:18, it transformed the way I thought, made me realize my fears, and most importantly made me realize who God truly is.
November 26, 2011 was the day that I first felt hope. Sitting at my grandma’s wooden kitchen table, bored out of my mind, I decided to grab the Bible sitting on a bookshelf right across from me and opened it. Flipping through the thin pages, I just started reading whatever caught my eye. Finally my eyes landed on the book of 1 John. It spoke of love and God. Growing up in a dysfunctional family and never quite feeling truly loved, I was unsatisfied with my life, and felt like there wasn’t much for me to live for. Looking back now, I know even then I was loved, but my child mind didn’t fully understand what love was. It was a complete mystery to me. Like a freshly planted flower craves water, my heart craved a supernatural kind of love.
“Perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.” I used to struggle with a lot of fears and even to this day I still do.Growing up, I had always been a scared little kid. First I had the typical fears; I was terrified of ghosts, the dark, getting bad grades, etc.Eventually I grew out of these. Then there came the deeper fears, the ones that are harder to get rid of. I was scared I was going to end being someone I had no desire to be, scared I wasn’t ever going to amount too much in the future, scared of rejection, and most of all was scared that there was nothing outside of this universe. The last fear was the one that got me the most. It may sound crazy, but I desperately wanted there to be more than this life we all live. Sometimes life is wonderful, but sometimes it stinks. Have you ever wondered if there was something even greater and mysterious out there? Somehow, the Bible quote gave me an answer.
In school I learned all about evolution, but the funny thing is, it never sat well with me. For me to believe in evolution meant that I had to accept the fact that everything was an accident, which meant I was just simply here for absolutely no reason except to reproduce. But my soul wanted there to be so much more! I wanted to be here for a reason and I wanted to have a purpose. I wanted to be created by a Creator and be loved by Him. The verse comforted me to know that there is a God who is in control of everything, who made everything for a reason. I had been struggling with many questions of who I was and what was the truth. Everyone out there had his or her own beliefs and it was as if I just couldn’t find the answer I was looking for. After reading this verse, words can’t describe how I felt. For once I had hope and found something that I truly believed in. Even to this day I can’t explain exactly why I was so blown away by this verse and why it changed my life so much. I felt almost as if God had reached down and pointed that particular verse out to me, because He knew what I was searching for. That is what makes that day even more special to me.
That day, my family left my grandma’s house to head home. Sitting in the car I looked out the window thinking of everything that had happened. Looking up, my eye caught on a billboard and I felt my mouth drop. It was all black except for the words that were displayed in the middle. It said these exact words, “Perfect Love drives out fear. God is Love.” Now many people would have thought it was just a coincidence, but I no longer believed in coincidences and accidents. I believe that billboard had a purpose, and it was served in my life. I knew right then and there, I had nothing to fear.
At that very moment I was able to take that first step on the path of freedom. I was so bound up by my silly and serious fears;finally I was able to take a step forward and look back and see the things that were holding me down. I no longer needed to worry about the future because I knew I was in good hands. Rejection still hurt, but at least I know I was not the only one who dealt with it. Some things happen that will end up hurting us, but it will make us stronger. I understood that life could be pretty tough sometimes, but in the end it was a life that is worth living because it was given to us for a reason so we all have a place in the future. I felt like I had received the love that casts out all fear.